Winter Wonderland
by AmetheSecond
Summary: Tony and Ian have lunch and plan a weekend before Christmas. Slash, Crossover with Numb3rs. Tony DiNozzo/Ian Edgerton. Follows the story Unchained Melody.


Title: Winter Wonderland  
Summary: Tony and Ian have lunch and plan a weekend before Christmas.  
Pairing: Tony DiNozzo/Ian Edgerton

Rating: PG13.

Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. No harm, no foul, no money made.

Warnings: Cavity alert! Serious fluffiness and sweetness. R rating is for language and Tony being naughty.

Words: 4313

A/N: OMG! The fluff! What the heck was I doing while writing this? Oh yeah, overdosing on Brach's peppermint nougats.

Beta'd by the wonderful Suki Blue! Thank you so much my little Christmas elf!

**Winter Wonderland**

_Over the ground lies a mantle of white  
A heaven of diamonds shine down through the night  
Two hearts are thrillin' in spite of the chill in weather  
Love knows no season  
Love knows no clime  
Romance can blossom any old time  
Here in the open  
We're walkin' and hopin' together_

_~Winter Wonderland _

Tony hit a final few buttons on his computer and then leaned back in his chair with a self-satisfied smirk. It was Friday, they had just finished up a big case and if they were lucky wouldn't get called out to another one, leaving his weekend open for Ian. His lover hadn't left the DC area since coming back to help Tony deal with the fall out of his killing Jeffery White, and he was enjoying his time with him.

Even better yet, Gibbs had been stuck with the Director in meetings all morning. Tony had had nothing better to do than fool around on line since all of his paperwork was done and he hadn't felt like digging around in the cold case files. He'd won an informal game of Christmas movie trivia and ended up finding the perfect Christmas present for Ian.

It wasn't that it was difficult to buy a gift for Ian. Despite the fact that the man didn't wear jewelry, he was disturbingly easy to shop for. Besides guns, Ian had a variety of hobbies, everything from cooking to hiking and fishing.

He wasn't as big a fan as Tony was about movies, though, and Tony had a feeling when spring came he'd be dragged over half the countryside. Ian had even mentioned a house in the backwoods of Virgina or something. Tony figured he'd deal with the dirt, pollen and bugs; after all, like the character on Buffy said, he was pretty much Love's Bitch.

The problem with buying presents for Ian was giving the right message. They'd only been dating a little over two months, but Tony was finding himself thinking serious thoughts. Like next Christmas and the fifty after it kind of thoughts.

If he was dating a female the choice would be obvious. Ian Fleming had it pegged right when he said "Diamonds are Forever". Problem was he couldn't see his Ian wearing diamonds. Pearl gripped pistols, yeah, but not diamond. He could just hear Ian bitching about the bling attracting too much attention.

The answer had come when Tony was trying to kill time on the computers without getting caught on IMDB or Live Journal. He had been looking at some of the new bullet proof vests out and found one that would work under his normal clothes without destroying the fit and yet strong enough to stop a hollow point round from a .44 Magnum.

Tony had ordered one for himself and one for Ian. He figured it was a good way of saying he wanted them both to stay alive a good long time. Since it was dark, he'd have to watch what shirt he was wearing, but he was sure his lover would appreciate the jet blackness of the vest. Ian's wardrobe had an abundance of blacks, grays and denim shirts.

He swiveled his chair and looked at his teammates. McGee was scowling at the screen and Kate was typing so hard she was doing a reasonable facsimile of Gibbs's pounding when the boss was angry. He had no idea why his two co-workers were so uptight, it was a Friday, they were caught up on reports for once, or they should be, and it was almost Christmas.

Then again maybe they were feeling the holiday rush. The vest was the last thing he really needed to buy. He might go to the mall sometime in the next few days to people watch but he really didn't need to shop.

It was time to lighten everyone up, before Kate broke the keyboard or McGee broke his face. He scooted his chair out from around his deck and then pushed himself over to in-between McGee and Katie.

"Okay, people, it's Friday, less than a week 'till Christmas and the boss is in a budget meeting. I say we go out and party for lunch! What say you, Probie? Up to rocking around the Christmas tree?"

McGee barely looked up from his computer screen. "Can't, Tony, I'm busy."

"Whatcha doing, McGeek?"

McGee didn't even look at him. "Working on Abby's Christmas present."

Tony couldn't help but think it was kind of cute how focused McGee was. Unrequited geek love was always sort of cute and tragic all at once. He had stopped keeping up trying to figure out if Tim and Abby were dating or not, and he was pretty sure McGee couldn't figure it out either. "Aww, how sweet. What are you getting her, a candy-cane shaped strap on?"

_That_ got McGee's attention. His hands stuttered at the same time he choked and Tony couldn't help but feel smug about the flush that covered Timmy's face. "WHAT?? NO! TONY!"

Tony leered at him. "Right, that would be more of a gift for yourself."

"It's a computer program! Not something like ... like ... THAT!"

It was on the tip of Tony's tongue to point out that McGee could probably use a good fucking. It might loosen the man up a little so he stopped sounding like some Victorian maiden or something.

Instead Tony just rolled his eyes. "I'd ask what you're doing but I'm afraid you'd tell me. I don't need to know anything more about computers except how to make really good manipulated images. I wanna make a wallpaper for my home computer of yours truly in a pile of all the Charlie's Angels."

Kate snorted from her desk. Tony grinned. Since hooking up with Ian she always got amused when he pulled out his rampant misogynist act.

Tony used his feet to push off quickly, and rolled across the aisle to her desk. "What's that Katie-kins? Want me to add you onto the cuddle pile?"

"Hardly. And don't call me that! My name is _Caitlyn_."

Tony grinned. He was feeling good and loved it when Kate left herself open to teasing. "'You lie, in faith; for you are called plain Kate. And bonnie Kate, and sometimes Kate the curst; But Kate, the prettiest Kate in Christendom! Kate of Kate Hall, my super dainty Kate ...'"

Both Kate and McGee had stopped working now and had near identical looks of amazement on their faces. Tony suppressed a giggle and wondered if the cameras in the bullpen were catching this look; he'd pay good money have a picture of the both of them gaping like a fish.

Then Kate gave him a dirty look and balled-up a scrap-piece of paper on her desk to throw at him. "Leave it to you, Tony, to quote Shakespeare and have it be from one of male chauvinist pig characters!"

There was no way in hell that Tony would point out he'd been in Drama Club in at a military school. An all-boys school. Or that he'd played Beatrice, Lady Macbeth or the Nurse from Romeo and Juliet in addition to Petruchio. He'd never hear the end of it.

So Tony settled for leering and waggling his eyebrows. "What can I say, there's a reason Elizabeth Taylor is one of AFI's Greatest Female Stars of All Time. And she was really hot as Maggie the Cat, never mind the whole slave costume from _Cleopatra_." He growled in his throat and then spun his chair into the middle of the aisle. "Seriously, people, we need to do something fun. Something – festive!"

The other two had both gone back to ... whatever it was they were doing. Tony was bored and frustrated they weren't playing along. Timmy boy was actually rolling his eyes.

"Like what? Putting up mistletoe so you can sexually harass every female in the building?"

Tony spun around in his chair twice and then stopped. "Wow! I was just thinking early lunch. Your idea sounds better! I'll molest the women and you and Kate can molest the men! Because mistletoe is an equal opportunity kind of plant, you know?"

Tony thought that maybe he should give up on teasing McGee. The man was starting to turn a reddish-purple.

"I ... I ... I don't think that's a good idea."

Tony tilted his head and frowned as if he were deep in thought. "Yeah, you're probably right. We start hanging mistletoe and before you know it Ducky is up here and we'll be listening to a story on how many famous historical people have been killed due to mistletoe and how the ancient Scots used it in fertility rites. And if there's a mental image I _really_ do not need it's the mental image of Ducky and fertility rites."

He turned and looked at Kate. "What's got you in a Scrooge sort of mood there, Caitlyn?"

Kate made a face. "My brothers are being loud, rude and obnoxious. Must be why you remind me of them, Tony."

Tony mimed being shot. "OW! That hurts, Kate! Flay me with your sharp wit!"

"Bite me, Tony!"

Tony leered at her. "And here I thought Christmas wasn't until next week. Can I choose the spot?"

Before she could volley back, Tony's personal cell phone that he had in his desk drawer rang. Tony couldn't help the grin that spread across his face as he rolled back over to answer it. The ring tone was the James Bond theme and that meant Ian was calling.

Tony had found that he was rapidly becoming as conditioned as that Pavlov's dogs thing one of his boyfriends in college would go on about. Something about bells and doggy drool. He wasn't quite sure what it was, psych majors always confused him what with their talks of penises and cigars and Oedipus. What he did know is whenever Ian called or emailed it was as if he was connected to a low voltage of electricity.

Seeing Ian in person? The wattage went all the way through him, made his liver turn over and his blood rush south of the border.

Tony had it bad. And he was loving every minute of it.

"DiNozzo."

"Hey, Tiger."

Tony put his head down on the desk, banging it once or twice, in the hopes that neither Kate or McGee would see his blush. "Do you have to call me that when I'm at work?"

Ian was laughing at him. "After seeing you on a sugar high from too much kids cereal last weekend? It's either Tiger or Tigger, take your pick."

Tony was blushing again. He could feel it. "Right. Tiger it is, then."

"Free for lunch today?"

Tony looked at the clock. It was twenty minutes 'till noon, but since Ian had had to stay at Quantico last night he'd worked late and came in early so all of his paperwork was done. It was either leave early for lunch or stay here and annoy his teammates.

Tony didn't even hesitate. "Yep. Meet somewhere?"

"I'm near the Wall Street Deli. Sound good?"

"Perfect. See you in a few." Tony hung up and grabbed his heavy wool coat and scarf. As he put them on he heard a soft tread coming up behind him.

"Where do you think you're going, DiNozzo?"

Tony smirked as both Kate and McGee jumped. Since hooking up with Ian he'd been paying a lot more attention to his surroundings and knew it had been Gibbs sneaking up on them again. "Lunchtime, Boss. Want anything from the deli?"

Gibbs went to sit at his own desk, barely even looking at him. "Bring me back a coffee."

Tony rolled his eyes and bit his lip to keep the 'DUH!' part of his inner monologue instead of saying it out loud. "On it, Boss!"

It actually took a good ten minutes, simply because he'd offered to bring Gibbs back something. He'd done it as a distraction and in part because the man had been in meetings all morning. Something that would have left Tony frustrated and unwilling to eat out of the vending machines or go out and stand in line.

That moment of insanity led to Tony taking orders for not only Kate and McGee, but Abby and Ducky too. Tony had been shifting from foot to food as the older man finally decided on a sandwich and soup.

His patience and personal sacrifice he was making in order to bring back not one but two Ruben sandwiches, and he hated the smell of sauerkraut, was rewarded as Tony started walking to the elevator and Gibbs stopped him with a look.

"Be back by two, DiNozzo."

Tony nearly tripped over his feet. That was an hour extra for lunch. "Wow, Gibbs, did you heart grow three sizes or something?"

"Just be back here by two so I can tie some antlers to your head."

Okay, Gibbs was freaking him out. The man was all but admitting he'd watched _How the Grinch Stole Christmas_ at some point in time and showing his quirky sense of humor. Gibbs didn't joke around much but when he did it was always sort of amazing to Tony that the man would actually unclench enough to do something like that.

Since both Kate and McGee were gaping, it looked like he wasn't the only one freaked out.

For just a moment Tony had no idea what to say. Then he grinned and figured he might as well go with the whole Gibbs/Grinch, Tony/Max thing. He started up the stairs to the elevator, not pausing to throw his reply over his shoulder. "_Woof_, Boss. Woof."  
Of course Gibbs had to get the last line in. As the elevator doors closed, he heard Gibbs musing out loud.

"If I remember correctly, Max didn't bark. At all."

-- -- -- --

"You're not on call this weekend, right?"

Tony swallowed a bite of his sandwich and nodded. "Yep. And I've already warned Gibbs that unless another Marine dies on Air Force One, he's not gonna find me this weekend."

And boy had that earned him the good ol' Gibbs Hairy Eyeball. Thankfully Tony had told him this before Gibbs even learned of the budget meeting on Wednesday and had brought the man a giant cup of road tar, otherwise known as a Venti coffee from Starbucks.

Ian looked at him, his roast beef sandwich put to the side for the moment. "Good. As soon as you get off, go home and pack a bag. I'm picking you up and we're going skiing this weekend."

Tony snorted. How positively Gibbsish. Ian hadn't even asked, just told Tony how it was.

Good thing Tony found assertiveness extremely hot.

"And you know I know how to ski ... how?" Tony shook his head. "That sounded weird. What makes you think I can ski?"

Ian smiled. "I know these things."

Tony laughed. Ian had informants all over the place. People who owed him favors or Ian had saved their brother/cousin/girlfriend/insert random relative and/or friend here. He also knew some people who made McGee's hacking abilities look like Tony trying to reprogram his Tivo.

It was one of the reasons why Ian cared less if his superiors at the FBI found out if he was gay, and why he was able to pick and choose what assignments he'd go on. That and the fact that he was the best person there was for his job.

It's on the tip of Tony's tongue to make a snarky remark about Ian wearing a crimson lined coat and having pear handled guns, but he stopped himself. That would make a great future present for Ian, maybe on his birthday or next Christmas.

Tony couldn't help but smile at the thought that there might be a next Christmas.

"Is that a yes?"

Tony grinned and nodded. "That is a yes! But if I fall down, you've got to kiss it and make it better."

Ian laughed and started eating again. "Is it wrong to hope that you fall on your ass, a lot?"

"Yes, and just for that I'm bringing Christmas movies along with me."

Ian groaned and Tony snickered into his sandwich. "Not anything too sappy or musical. And we've already watched the one with that Mack kid enough that I'm gonna shoot someone the next time I hear a kid scream."

"I promise to not bring any of the _Home Alone_ movies. And no Bing Crosby or Judy Garland either."

"Considering that you can quote nearly all of _The Wizard of Oz_ and have more hair care product than most females I know, I have no idea how people think you're straight."

"Hey, I watch plenty of John Wayne and Clint Eastwood movies too!"

"Tony, you know where to shop for designer knock-offs. You use moisturizer."

Tony wiggled his eyebrows. "You didn't seem to mind my silky smooth skin the other night."

Ian smirked back. "Hey, I never said I minded, just that I don't get how your co-workers think you're some male chauvinist, heterosexual jock without a brain in his head."

Tony struck a goofy pose. "Acting!"

When Ian looked at him blankly he sighed. "I have got to get some _Best of Saturday Night Live_ DVD's and make you watch them."

"I'd rather be shot."

Tony mock glared at his lover. "Just for that we're watching _A Christmas Story_. Twice."

"Is that the one where the kid wants a gun for Christmas?"

"Not just any gun. 'An official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle BB gun with a compass in the stock and the thing that tells time.'"

Ian grinned at him and Tony felt a foot brushing against his. "Cool."

Tony grinned back. He knew that Ian would rather watch action movies than anything else, but he'd probably stomach _A Christmas Story_, and everyone seemed to forget that the first _Lethal Weapon_ and the first two _Die Hard_ movies were Christmas movies too. He'd save the big guns --_It's A Wonderful Life_-- for Christmas Eve. He was working both that day and Christmas but hopefully the team wouldn't be pulling an all-nighter.

Tony did know how to ski, but he'd only been a couple of times, and it had been during college. So what if he skied horribly? He figured there was every possibility that he would make a complete ass of himself, but hey he acted like a goof ball half of the time at work, it wasn't like he had some sort of reputation to maintain.

Besides, Ian said he'd kiss all his bruises better.

"So where are we going?"

Ian's foot had yet to go back to his side of the table and Tony felt like bouncing in happiness. Only the fear of being called Tigger was keeping him in place.

He was having a really great day.

"Whitetail Ski Resort. It's about two hours away, so we can leave around six and it won't take too long to get there, even with rush hour traffic. I got a buddy from the Army that has a house near there, but he's spending the rest of this month with family out of town and is going to let us stay there, so there's no worry about reservations or anything. If you suck at skiing they have snowboarding and if you can't even stay on your feet that way, snow tubing."

Tony snorted. "I can think of better ways to enjoy myself than sticking my ass in an inner tube and hurtling down the hill. Still, snowboarding sounds fun. When I was a kid I used to steal my roommate's skateboard for a spin."

"Roommate?"

Tony nodded. "Yeah. Rhode Island Military Academy. I had three roommates most of the time I was there, except for Senior Year, then I just had one." Tony paused. "I really don't like to talk about my life before Ohio State, not because I did anything too stupid or anything but because my parents were total jackasses and it's always difficult explaining it. I'm not saying I _won't_ tell you, but during lunch before a romantic weekend is not a good day to do it."

Ian kicked him lightly in the shin. "I get it. My childhood wasn't that great either, and you haven't seen how intense I get over some of my cases either. Teaching at Quantico is enjoyable but when I'm on a hunt, I'm a totally different person. The assignments I had this fall were mostly lightweight ones that I had promised my superiors I'd do before we even hooked up. Not many people can handle a relationship with a killer."

This time it was Tony stopping Ian. "Hey, you are not a killer. You're a sniper, there's a big ass difference. It's not like you've snapped and look longingly at clock towers or something. Someone has to do the job and I like the idea that it's someone who is not only principled, but doesn't just jump every time his bosses tell him to."

Ian touched his hand for a moment before pulling back. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Tony smiled. While the conversation had taking a sudden, angst-filled turn, it was something that needed to be said. "I need to pick up lunch for the guys, but what do you say I buy you an ice cream cone from down the street for dessert?"

"Sounds good. You get your order done while I run to the little sniper's room."

Tony laughed and got in line while Ian dumped their trash in the bin and went to find the restroom. There wasn't a long line at the register, thankfully, but Tony found himself in an uncomfortable position with the cashier while waiting for his order.

"Excuse me. I'm sorry if I'm being forward but ... you have the most beautiful eyes."

Tony tried not to roll said eyes and tried to ignore the young woman. Maybe if he freaked her out she'd stop, before Ian came back and pulled his gun and shot her. "'Ooh, they're nothing compared to my tits.'"

This is why women went to the bathroom in groups. Because men hit on them if they were left alone. And now in the modern day women were hitting on men and Tony swore he would never let Ian leave him alone to take a piss again. Not even at Quantico. He was good at flirting, great even. But turning down someone that was just as aggressive as he normally was? Freaked Tony out. Besides, it was lunch in a chain restaurant for god's sake, not some club or pick-up joint.

The cashier didn't seem to get the hint. "Huh?"

Oh yeah, this one had used too much hair coloring to be a 'natural' blonde and it had affected her brain. Tony's eyes flicked to her name tag. "I'm sorry ... Mandy, is it? But I'm here with someone and, well, you're not my type."

"What is your type then? I could be accommodating." She took a deep breath, designed to make her breasts more noticeable, and looked at him from underneath her eyelashes. It was a flirting technique he used himself -- they eyelashes, not the breasts -- but Tony usually did it with humor. Joking around. Not being serious. Mandy was being serious and it was just ... sad.

Thankfully Ian was returning and Tony would be able to get out of this mess. She handed him his order while trying to catch his eye and Tony looked to Ian for a rescue. "Umm, my type? Just over six feet tall, dark hair and eyes ..."

Ian came up behind him and gave his stalker a Death Glare. "And has a badge, a gun and a dick."

Tony didn't even notice as the blonde walked off in a huff. All he noticed was Ian all but thumping his chest in a show of cohesiveness and holding his hand out for Tony to take as they left the restaurant.

As they walked away, Tony did the eyelash thing and leaned into Ian. "Mah heee-ro!"

"Stop it, you sound like drunk Southern belle and you look like you're having a stroke." Ian nudged him and Tony burst out laughing. "Seriously, you look like you're eye is twitching or something."

"Just trying to reward you for saving my dignity, cara mia."

"I wasn't aware you had any to begin with."

Tony snorted at that. "You know me too well." He squeezed Ian's hand. It was a bit risky, walking in DC holding hands like that, but it was romantic and Tony couldn't help but get a rush from it. He'd dated men before, but they were all more paranoid than he was about being out, which was something to say since he was in law enforcement, not necessarily the most accepting of jobs for gays and bisexuals.

Ian tugged at his hand, getting Tony's attention. "Look. It's starting to snow."

Tony looked up and sure enough, there were gray clouds and a few flakes of snow were starting to fall. "Wow. I hope it doesn't get too bad so we won't be able to drive up tonight."

A gust of wind made Tony shiver and Ian pulled him closer. "Nah, it won't. It's only supposed to be a couple of inches by morning. Besides that I've got four-wheel drive on my truck and the interstate is usually kept pretty clear. We'll be fine. But since it's cold, why don't you buy me a hot chocolate instead of ice cream?"

"Cool. I owe Gibbs a coffee anyway." Tony sighed and enjoyed the perfectly mundane moment of walking hand in hand with his lover on the way to Starbucks.

It was shaping up to be a perfect, romantic movie type Christmas.

_~Fini~_

_End author's notes: Okay so I use a lot of movie and TV references for Tony, mainly because that's how I see him, as this huge media geek. While I tried to explain most of the references in the story itself, here are a few that might not be so obvious. If you have any questions, just ask._

_Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer calls himself Love's Bitch.  
Taming of the Shrew, Act 2, Scene 1 is the whole Kate thing.  
Elizabeth Taylor was not only Katerina in Shrew but Maggie the Cat in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof and was dressed as a slave for Caesar's pleasure in Cleopatra.  
That whole Grinch/Max thing? I'm basing Max not barking from the cartoon. I don't remember and haven't seen it again this year yet.  
The Master Thespian skits on SNL did that "Acting!" thing.  
The line about the tits is a quote from the 1991 movie Soapdish. _

Merry Christmas!


End file.
